Passive
1. accepting or allowing what happens or what others do, without active response or resistance.

Every now and then, i fall.
and each time, it's depressing and it's really hard to get up.
but each time, i learn something new too.

So im grateful.
for without the setbacks, i would not have changed my way of doing things, my perspectives and well, "grow" as a person.
recently, prof commented that i'm really passive.
thinking about it, it's not the first time I've heard it actually.
The first time, it written as negative feedback from a supervisor of a mod.
i didn't take it to heart, rubbed it off like a bad case of fleas.
I thought well, she meant that she could see that i did not care much about the project, and was complaining about my lack of effort.

This time, it hit me.
that i am, and being so, is not good in multiple ways.
i used to blame it on my lack of motivation on matters that do not interest me, which are many many things. Honestly, not many things interest me, that is how dead i am towards life.
Im comfortable to be happy, i'm happy to be comfortable.

I was overwhelmed with school work and family matters, and desperately wanted the easiest way of this misery. when i went to his office, all i wanted to know were the options i had, whether i could drop the module that i was failing. but was held there for 1.5 hours, and made to think about the consequences of my choices.
it was not the first time i failed at schoolwork, but it reminded me of the days when i was a complete mess.
I was really sad that it felt like i was back at square 1.
still.that.problematic.one.
i hated that feeling. i hated the attention that teachers gave me. and to feel it once again, boy, it was like a flashback.

and i've been reflecting since.
that this passivity is really reflective in my daily actions.
i'm going to work on it.
and hopefully, find some zest and hope in life.